Terminal diagnosis

scd1980 5 years ago

7 replies

Edited by scd1980 5 years ago

Hi, just this week we found out the devastating news that my dad’s lung cancer has come back, just 6 months after they operated on him to remove his lung and lymph nodes. Unfortunately the prognosis isn’t good, with only around 6 months to live, maybe 3 more if chemo works for him. I’m absolutely heartbroken and am struggling to get on with everyday life. I suppose i’m just looking for some advice on how people actually cope knowing this life “deadline”. I feel like i’m already grieving for a loss that hasn’t happened yet. I’m just really struggling. Any words of advice would be appreciated. Thanks.

Samantha 5 years ago

Edited by Samantha 5 years ago

Hello scd1980,

We're sorry to read that you have received such devastating news about your dad’s illness. It’s understandable you feel heartbroken by this diagnosis, and that you say you’re struggling to get on with everyday life. It can feel an overwhelming experience.

When we find out that a loved one has a terminal illness, it’s common to experience many of the same emotions that we associate with grief and to feel them with the same intensity. This is often called pre-bereavement grief or anticipatory grief. While everyone copes with things differently, people often tell us that talking can help and I’m glad to see that you’re reaching out through our community to talk about how you’re feeling, and get support.

Another way of getting support, can be talking aloud about all that’s going on for you and your family. Some people choose to do this with those they are close to such as a family member or friend, whereas others may prefer to get in touch with a Support Line such as ourselves. Our Support Line is here with a listening ear on Freephone 0800 090 2309. If you’d prefer to talk to us online instead, you can use our live web chat function here: https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/help/support/marie-curie-support-line/using-online-chat or you can reply to us through this online community.

We hope that others will feel comfortable sharing with you, through here, how they have coped during similar times and offer their support to you too.

Take care,

Sam – Support Line Team

scd1980 5 years ago

Hi Sam, Thank you for your reply, and I appreciate your advice. I have 3 young children who keep my mind distracted during the day, and I will continue to chat with friends and phone the number you gave, or this chat when i’m having particularly bad days. Thanks, Susan

Catwoman65 5 years ago

Hi so sorry about your Dad, it's just so hard to hear that. My mum passed away a few days ago and we knew it was terminal for a few weeks before that. I would say to live in the moment as best as you can, easy to say I know. My mum really enjoyed hearing about all the grandchildren and things that had happened at work or even what I was cooking for tea. I think that cancer can over take so much of our lives, for the person going through it as well as their loved ones, that it really helped to focus on everyday things as much as you can. Of course, have the big conversations. Tell your Dad how much you love and appreciate him.When my mum wanted to talk about the harder stuff, as hard as it was we encouraged her to tell us as many of her wishes as possible. I'm so glad I did. My heart goes out to you I know exactly how tough it is but you will get through it. All the love stays with you, I promise.

scd1980 5 years ago

Thanks for your advice, and i’m so sorry for your loss. You’re right, dad loves seeing the kids and hearing what they’ve been up to the most. It’s just so difficult, some days I feel like i’ve come to terms with it, then others i’m a mess again. Dreading the tough conversations, but I know i’ll regret not having them. Thanks again for your response, and I hope you’re coping ok with things.

Catwoman65 5 years ago

You are so welcome. I'm not too bad. Please remember to look after yourself. Be kind to yourself and do things you like to do, even just a walk in the sunshine helped me. Will hold you in my thoughts xx