My mum is terminal

Lorna84 7 years ago

5 replies

My mum has been given 6-12 months she is my best friend and I don't know how I will live without her, she's only 54 I'm brave and supportive in her company but sometimes the pain is to much for me I feel sick and a state of panic I'm scared I won't cope loosing her I don't know what to do

Support 7 years ago

Hi Lorna84,

I am sorry to read about your mum's diagnosis. Being told a loved one is terminally ill can invoke many emotions. Everything that you are feeling is very normal . Many people find it helpful to talk to those they love and trust but also talking to someone who is removed from your situation can be helpful. Not knowing what is going to happen to your mum, and how you will cope with it can be overwhelming and upsetting and it is important to find a way to help you copea and to take time to look after yourself. You may find the information on caring for someone with a terminal illness helpful and you can find it here:https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/help/support/being-there.

If you would like to talk to us at the Support Line you can call us on freephone 0800 090 2309. 

Best Wishes

Brigette 

Marie Curie Support Line 

Gayle 7 years ago

Hi Lorna, Im going through the same thing! my mom has been diagnosed with renal cancer and theres nothing they can do. she is 76. I feel I cannot live without her I don't know what to do. she is ok with all of this, she says shes lived her life and is ready but im not ready. I cry a lot, don't sleep very well, and im afraid also of what will become of me trying to cope. She said when she gets worse of course hospice will be there but im not sure if I can be there and watch her go. what do you think? is it ok not to be there or will I regret it later. please anyone help!

Support 6 years ago

Hi Gayle,

I’m sorry to hear that you are also going through such a difficult time. Many people talk about the emotions they experience as being overwhelming and that it can make it hard to imagine how you will cope. There is no right or wrong answer when deciding whether to be with a loved one at the end. Your mum has mentioned her plan to receive care at a hospice and their role is to support the whole family. People have shared their experience of hospices as   being warm, caring environments where they felt their needs as a relative were looked after as well as the needs of their loved one. You might find it helpful to explore what emotional support they could offer you now and also how they support relatives to be with a loved one when they are reaching the end of their life. This may help you decide what would be the right choice for you.

If you would like to talk about things in more detail please call our Free phone Support Line on 0800 090 2309, or drop us a line via Web Chat:

https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/help

Best Wishes

Clare (Marie Curie Support Line)

Lian92 6 years ago

Hello,

I have recently been told the same. My mum has got 2 types of cancer and told that the one in her liver has now spread and is much more aggressive than they initially thought. She's been given 12-18 months and this is truly devastated me and my entire family. I'm due to get married in 10 months and keep thinking that she may not be there to see it, or may be too weak to come. She's been informed about palliative care today which makes me think that there may be less time than initially anticipated, but it's only been a passing statement as she is due to have 4 more rounds of chemo to try and prolong her life. I feel guilty for worrying that she may not be at my wedding, and then I feel angry that she may be too weak to enjoy what life she has left. She is only 52 and it's honestly the worst feeling to know that she probably won't meet her grandchildren. We've been offered no support from the hospital and have had to endure this life changing news with no information. Actually writing this is really the first step I've undertaken to getting my emotions out.
My advice is spend as much time with your loved ones as you can, if it becomes too much then take some time out and take time for yourself, your mum wouldn't want you to suffer. Having this time means you can say goodbye properly, and in a way suited to your relationship, so grasp on to that and do things now that make memories.

Support 6 years ago

Hello Lian92,

Thank you for sharing this with us here on the community. I am sorry to read about your mum’s diagnosis, understandably you are devastated with the recent news and it is perfectly normal to experience a range of emotions as you’ve described, especially with the focus of your upcoming wedding.

It would seem that you haven’t had the opportunity to discuss palliative care with the health care professionals supporting your mum as it was only mentioned in passing. The goal of palliative care is to achieve the best quality of life whatever the time frame, and individuals might receive palliative care alongside other treatments, therapies’ and medicines. There is further information here: https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/help/support/diagnosed/recent-diagnosis/palliative-care-end-of-life-care

It may be helpful preparing for your mums next appointment, don’t be afraid to compile a list of questions to get the information to help you understand what to expect and what support is there for you all. We also have some publications that may help you all plan ahead and understand the roles of those that offer support for people affected by terminal illness and their families.  The publications can be downloaded or ordered free of charge via our website here:

https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/help/support/publications

I am pleased that connecting with the Marie Curie community has helped you begin to process your emotions and it is kind of you to share feedback with others in your situation too. The following link shares further information about emotions that you may find helpful:
https://www.macmillan.org.uk/information-and-support/coping/your-emotions/someone-close-has-cancer/your-feelings.html#297770

If you would like to talk about any of this further or just need a listening ear, don’t hesitate to call our Freephone Support Line on 0800 090 2309, or drop us a line via Web Chat: https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/help/support/marie-curie-support-line

Best Wishes

Claire

Marie Curie Support Line