My dad have given up

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vickyS1983 2 years ago

2 replies

hi Im new here and looking for some support / advise. My dad was told 4 years ago he had max 12 months to live. He has esophagus cancer and liver however the liver one is secondary and has to this point never advanced !

he has a PEG feed line. he was able to eat small amounts of soft food but in recent weeks he has a blockage so he is sick if he eats or drinks anything. we saw his consultant last week whom has changed his sickness tablets to see if this helps but dad is refusing to eat or drink anything as he doesnt want to be sick which i totally understand.

my main concern is his mental state. he is 64 and was extremely active loved doing his own thing. He lives with his wife but all 5 children visit him regularly. Hes ok with us going there but doesnt want to leave the house or see anyone other than us. He doesnt even want to see his grandchildren although he has very much lived his own life so wasnt as close to them as I would have liked. He has children the same age as his grandchildren. He is extremely withdrawn and has no interest in anything i feel like he is just sitting waiting to pass. is this normal or you know what ever normal is.

Hannah11 2 years ago

Edited by Hannah11 2 years ago

Hello VickS1983.

Welcome to the Marie Curie Community. We are sorry to read about your dad’s diagnosis and that you are worried about his mental state. Whilst we are all different it is not unusual for a person to withdraw and appear to have no interest in anything. There are many reasons why this might be. Being diagnosed with a terminal illness is a huge, life-changing event. You might go through a whole range of emotions. Most people feel low or sad some of the time. But when feelings like sadness and anxiety last for weeks or months and start to affect your daily life, it may be depression. If you are concerned that this is out of character for your dad and that it may be depression you may find it helpful to talk to his GP to share your concerns

We have some information around supporting someone who has been diagnosed with a terminal illness that I can share with you which you might find helpful here: https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/help/support/diagnosed/practical-emotional-support/supporting-someone

If you would ever like to talk to us or our Freephone Support Line number is 0800 090 2309. Our Support Line Officers are available to provide a Listening ear and emotional support.

Take Care

Alexia Support Line Officer