Keeping friends and family informed

HilaryB 10 years ago

4 replies

One of the most tricky and time consuming things is making sure that everyone who wants/needs to know how your loved one is, is kept in the picture. I set up a group email for this purpose, starting with just half a dozen people, ending up with around 70. 

It had huge advantages - we could tell everyone, simultaneously, what was happening. This left little room for individual interpretation or Chinese whispering. I was able to use it to ask people not to ring or just drop in, but to text or email first. 

Everyone seemed to want a piece of the action, which is understandable, but both emotionally and physically draining for the patient. As a carer you end up being "gatekeeper" for your loved one, filtering visitors and messages, and it can be hard to tactfully manage this. An email or blog at least reduces this problem.

DebbieL 9 years ago

Thanks for this advice Hilary. I have been sending separate messages to our children/adult family/ friends but this makes much more sense.  At the end of a long day visiting my husband in hospital, every bit of emotional and physical energy saved is good.

HilaryB 9 years ago

I'm so glad this was helpful for you. As you say, anything that makes your job easier must be good. You really need to look after yourself (easier said than done, I know) and not spend all your time and energy looking after everyone else. Best wishes

songbird 9 years ago

This has also been helpful to me too. My Mother has a few weeks and everyone wants to see her. One person actually dictating times and days. This is very unhelpful to both my siblings and I as it is what she wants that is important. We don't want to upset anyone but it feels a bit like we are having to make an appointment to spend time with her. The group email sounds a great option. We have despaired in the past at one of my cousin's 'morbid and dirge like family updates' but it seems to be the only option if we don't want our nerves frazzled any further. We are all finding it very difficult to cope with the imminent death of our Mama and we don't want her upset. 

HilaryB 9 years ago

Your email or blog really doesn't have to be morbid . I kept mine factual, to the point and as upbeat as possible. Saying things like "we are all appreciating the chance to be together as immediate family, enjoying the intimacy , being able to keep Mama as relaxed as possible......", should convey your need for privacy in a polite way. I do so understand what difficulties you are facing - best wishes.