It's not fair

Fandango 6 years ago

3 replies

Don't really know how to start this off as i have never done anything like this. 

This site was recommended to me as i could reach out to those in the same situation as me.

I lost my wife to Cancer in May 2018 after she was diagnoses with stage 4 in 2017. She was given 12 - 18 months but unfortunately she was unable to fight for the 18 months and i lost her in the 12 months that was first talked about. 

She was 47 years of age and a mother of two young children aged 7 & 8. 

Its strange to write these words "Widow" as i never thought i would ever become one.

I am struggling as a single dad to do all the right things for the kids like getting them ready for school without breaking done as i feel i cant coupe, then being stressed out on my way to work trying to then concentrate on doing a full days work in a very stressful job. 

Am i the only dad that is feeling useless and cant coupe with raising the children and working at the same time? 

People keep telling me it takes time - Really!   

Samantha 6 years ago

Hello Fandango

Welcome to the community. Thank you for reaching out and sharing with us and others how difficult you have been finding things after the loss of your wife, I’m sorry to read this.

Juggling all that comes with being a parent and working whilst grieving for a loved one can be a lot to deal with. It’s understandable that you are finding things a challenge. Grief affects us all differently and although people say that it takes time, there is no set time frame  to grieve. It’s important to mourn as much and as long as you need to. We feature information on our website about grieving in your own way which you may find helpful here: https://bit.ly/2B9fnOv

You mention that you feel useless and that you can’t cope with raising the children and working at the same time. Have you spoken to anyone else about how you’re feeling? Is there anyone that you would feel comfortable talking to who also may be able to support you and your needs on a practical level?

It’s not surprising that you are finding it strange to write the word ‘widow’ as you never thought you would ever become one. I’m sure that you’re not alone in expressing these feelings especially as your wife sadly died at just 47 years old. We often hear that during grief, we mourn the loss of the physical person but we can also mourn the future plans you made with your loved one.

People often tell us that talking can be helpful and our Support Line is here to offer a safe space and listening ear if you need to talk. You can reach us on Freephone 0800 090 2309, or by continuing to chat on this community. As well as offering a listening ear we may be able to suggest other organisations you might find helpful at this time.

Hopefully others here will share their experiences with you and offer support on this community too.

Take care,

Sam – Support Line Team 

SteveMason 4 years ago

Hello I lost my wife on the 7 of December 2019, when you said it’s not fair I get what you’re saying but I wanna ask do you feel it’s not fair that you are left with the kids and that she should be there with you? See I don’t think it’s fair that my wife didn’t want to leave not just me but her life that we had together, that’s what I wanted to ask.

Hannah11 4 years ago

Edited by Hannah11 4 years ago

 Hello SteveMason,

Thank you for joining our online community and for taking the time to share your experience with us and others. I’m sorry to read about the recent loss of your wife. Grief is a very personal journey with no time limit and no two people experience it in the same way. It's important to remember to be kind to yourself. 

People often share that talking can be helpful. We have a Support Line that is here to offer a safe space and listening ear if you need to talk. You can reach us on Freephone 0800 090 2309, or by continuing to chat on this community. As well as offering a listening ear we may be able to suggest other organisations you might find helpful at this time.

I just wanted to make you aware that I've noticed that you have commented on an older thread, I hope that Fandango and others will see your message and share their experiences with you.

Take care,

Hannah – Support Line Officer