JER81 6 hours ago
1 reply
My name's John, I'm 44, and I've had spinal cancer (ependymoma and neurofibroma) since 2018. A relapse essentially, albeit the first time was back in 1994 when I was 13. I used to be a social worker, and before that worked in museums. But I've not worked in years. It's reached the point now where I can barely walk due to nerve issues, and everything below the waist is basically going. Treatment options are slim. I think steroids are next on the list. They think that maybe if I get fat enough I can just roll along like a ball, instead of trying to hobble around, maybe? Since this summer I live with my father in what is unsuitable and unsafe accommodation, but I have nowhere else to go. So I feel trapped both in my body and in my surroundings. There isn't any support available, at least none I have found, like NHS or council. I've been on a housing list a good while and don't expect much from it. I think about taking my own life frequently. I think if it was a case of just pushing a button and you disappear, I'd have done it 50 or 100 times in the last 7 years, but alas, it's not as simple as that. I've had a very difficult week, attending my cousin's funeral. He wasn't much older than me, and was super fit. He really enjoyed life, and lived it. The complete opposite to me. And yet here I am still, lingering in a kind of purgatory, while he lost everything. Life seems completely senseless.
