Crying - grief in stages

Lostdaughter 7 years ago

3 replies

My father has stage 4 melanoma. 26 months ago he was give 15-18 months to live. He is now discharged to hospice. He has been a fighter, but we all know in the end that cancer will always win. I look at my Father sometimes and think about how he no longer resembles the man who raised me. He looks like he has ageda Million years. He is frial, he has very slow mobility and fatigue has become a curse. Everything tires him out. He has been in hospice for one month now. He is not in any pain, however everyday he becomes weaker and weaker. I have read several of the blogs and I appreciate the assistance of how to recognize death as I am a thousand miles away from my father and will have to travel to get to him. He and my mother were residing with me until his discharge, at which time he asked to go to Cape Verde. I made the trip with him and returned home to an empty house. And then started the crying. I find myself crying every day. It could be just a thought of him, it could be a piece of mail, finding something that belongs to him, or even just walking into his bedroom. I can't stop the crying. I don't want to be strong anymore. And I don't want to see people or talk about it. I feel like is am consuming myself with work to avoid grief. And also I ask myself why am I grieving so much when my Father is still here. The anticipation of his death is bothering me so, to the extent that I physically am starting to have my own series of ailments. I am Feeling so alone even though I know I am not.

andreas 7 years ago

i totally relate - I think I have been grieving since the beginning of her diagnoses

my mum has stage 4 primary peritoneal cancer and you can see the rapid deterioration from them being strong healthy parents to so weak and frail and accident prone- its awful - you cry at the smallest things- an object in their room ,a song on radio- anything really - like grieving as if they had passed yet they are still here ? distraction does help I guess in the short term- nights are the longest both for sufferer and family- I was off work 4 months with acid reflux and depression not longafter mum was diagnosed- she was given 12- 15 months October 2016 God knows how she is holding on- wont go into hospice or hospital so paaliative care at home - we stay over in turns

I totally get where you are coming from x I send my heart and love to you and your family - its so hard to be strong

Lostdaughter 7 years ago

Thank you Andreas. Sending strength love and hugs to you as well. I don't want to see my dad suffer. It's not easy. I am steadying to think about how it will happen and when. I don't want to have these thoughts. I don't know what to feel other than grief.

Support 7 years ago

Hi Lostdaughter,

I am sorry to read about your father. It is great to see you have received a response on the community. The grieving process can start from the point a loved one is diagnosed and you may find it helpful to read the information on our website. But many people tell us it helps to talk to somebody outside of the family and if you feel this would help please feel free to contact our Free Phone Support Line on 0800 090 2309.

Best Wishes

Brigette

Marie Curie Support Line