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Mikibee 5 years ago

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I'm mikibee I look after my 86 yr old mom who has lung cancer . She didn't want any treatment . She is doing well, resting most of the time drinking quite well but getting her to eat is getting a bit problematic it we promised her she could eat exactly what she wants up till now it's been KFC and haggis but we keep giving her little and often . I look after her all day and put her to bed at 9 and then my brother who lives with her keeps an eye on her and calls me if needed . I know I am doing what I can but I still feel useless because I can't make her better I looked after my dad for 5 years and have looked after mom for 5 . It's nice to have somewhere to download to thanks for listening

Bonnie 5 years ago

Hello Mikibee,

Thank you for reaching out and joining our online community.

We’re sorry to read about your mom’s diagnosis and all that are going through. Caring for a loved one living with a terminal illness can bring with it so many emotions and wanting to make them better can be such a natural instinct. It can be hard to let go of these thoughts; trying to be kind to yourself and remembering that you are doing all that you can, can be important and we have information on coping with your feelings as a carer that you may find helpful on our website here: https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/help/support/being-there/helping-someone-cope/dealing-with-feelings#feelings-children .

You mention that your mom’s appetite is poor, however she is eating small amounts of food that she likes. We feature some information on our website about eating and drinking that you may find helpful to take a look at here: https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/help/support/terminal-illness/manage-symptoms/assisted-nutrition-fluids . If you have any questions about her current symptoms or anything that she’s experiencing, we would like to make you aware that we have Information and Support Nurses available Monday to Friday between the hours of 10am to 4pm. While our nurses are unable to offer advice, and won’t have access to your mom’s medical records, they can provide clinical information and support. If you feel this may be beneficial, you can call us on Freephone 0800 090 2309.

We’re glad that you have reached out and shared your experience with us and others here on the community, and that you find it helpful to have somewhere to download. You’re welcome to use our community as a safe and confidential space to share how you’re feeling as often as you like. Hopefully others on the community will be able to share their experiences with you too.

We hope to hear from you soon,

Take care,

Bonnie - Marie Curie Support Line Team

Reglois 5 years ago

Hello Mikibee

What a treasure you are, your parents have been very lucky to have you as their carer. Must be so appallingly hard for you feeling helpless even though you know in your heart of hearts that all the love in the world can't cure her.

Don't forget to take time for yourself, no help to mum if you collapse from exhaustion