Hello

Poacher2009 8 years ago

6 replies

Edited by Poacher2009 8 years ago

I'm new to all this, my mother was admitted to hospital in November after suffering a serious stroke, since then her condition has deteriorated, and an endoscopy revealed cancer of the stomach and oespheagus and she has been moved to a hospice for end of life care, she Is 85 so I know she has had a good innings, thing is there is only me and her left and I'm just finding it difficult to find anyone to talk to with similar experiences. Suddenly I feel very alone, mum can't talk as a result of the stroke, and I just feel so frustrated. Paul .

falison 8 years ago

hello as I am also new to this I really don't know where to start. my mother was diagnosed with small cell lung cancer in july2015, which came as a shock to myself and my four siblings. All seemed to be routine until she recently had a fall and fractured her humerus, at this point all dimensions changed and care had to be increased. Although as a professional myself I have no experience of care or its needs. We have now seen a increase in mums needs and unfortunately disagreements of how to manage these, as all five of us work fulltime. Night time is now our biggest problem and some of my siblings refuse the suggestion of respite. I have tried to suggest this will probably need considering , but am now at a loss and becoming angry, upset and guilty that I seem to be heartless at suggesting this kind of help.   

Support 8 years ago

Hi Paul,

It can be very difficult to cope when a loved one is receiving end of life care. It’s great that you have found your way to our community where there are other people going through similar situations. I’m very sorry to hear about your mother – it’s especially hard when it’s been just the two of you. Some people say that hearing is the last sense we lose so although Mum cannot reply to you she might well be able to hear what you are saying.  We do have some information on our website that you might find helpful at this time, at https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/help/being-there/end-of-life-preparation, or if you’d like to talk to somebody you are more than welcome to contact one of our team on our Support Line: 0800 090 2309

Support 8 years ago

HI Falison,

I am sorry to read of your mum’s illness. Family dynamics can change and relationships become strained when the family is going through this difficult journey. It’s important to keep the lines of communication open, so for example if your mother’s care needs have changed then you could ask social services to complete a care assessment of her needs and also a carer’s assessment for the primary carer. This may highlight any care needs such as respite care which will help to persuade the rest of the family. Please don’t feel guilty about needing extra help, being a primary carer can be emotionally and physically exhausting and it’s important that you look after your health too.  There is lots of information on our website at https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/help which you might also find helpful, or please do contact us on the Support Line if you would like to discuss things further

Poacher2009 8 years ago

Hi Brigette, Thank you for your helpful words of advice, sadly Mum passed away early this morning, I wasn't present but have been told it was very peaceful. Thanks again, Paul.

Support 8 years ago

HI Paul

I am very sorry to read that your Mum died yesterday. Do remember that we are here to support you. We have lots of information for bereaved families on our website that you may find helpful, you can access it by following the link:https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/help/bereaved-family-friends.If you feel it would help to talk to somebody please contact us on the support line. Take Care. Brigette