My husband died at the beginning of April after a 5 years of treatment for stomach cancer. I know it is really early days but just keep getting overwhelmed by the fact that I can’t speak to him any more and how sad that makes me feel.
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Dear Deb02,
I am sorry to read that your husband has died only a few weeks ago, and that you are experiencing overwhelm and sadness. It is very normal and natural for you to miss him and the conversations with him.
Many people tell us that talking about their loved ones and their experiences of grief can help. You are welcome to use this forum to express how you are feeling, and I hope that other members of this community will join in to share any experiences they have had, and what has helped them cope with similar situations.
If you think you would benefit from a regular conversation on the phone to receive some emotional support, you might consider talking to one of our volunteers via the telephone bereavement service. More information is available here: Bereavement support | Grief support | Marie Curie.
Best wishes,
Anke, a member of the Marie Curie Online Community Team
Anke, thank you for your reply. Life feels a bit of a roller coaster at the moment - I have brief periods of feeling OK but then suddenly I can be in floods of tears. We knew that he didn’t have long to live just before Christmas so had lots of conversations which I am grateful for but when it actually happens it knocks you side ways.
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Hi Deb02,
Thanks so much for getting in touch and I am so sorry to hear about the death of your husband. It must feel incredibly overwhelming and the sadness and finality can leave you feeling so desolate.
I am so pleased that you have reached out to us. Rollercoaster is such an apt description, it is so hard to know how you are going to feel from one day to the next and that in itself can be very destabilising.
It is wonderful that you had lots of conversations with your husband and I hope over time that can bring you some comfort, but it can be very hard to find comfort in anything in these raw early days.
As Anke says, Marie Curie have an excellent Bereavement Support Service which can be accessed at any point through your grieving journey, so even if you don’t feel ready now, it might be something to consider further down the line.
Are you receiving support from family and friends?
Warmest wishes,
Laura, Marie Curie volunteer for the Online Community Team
My husband passed end of April he fought 2 years with lung cancer. I feel exactly the same as you. When sitting watching TV I keep thinking what his voice sounded like. And I could be walking the dogs and something comes into my head of what he said to me before he passed then I break down. Even writing this I am in tears. Keeping busy I have changed the full house nothing else to do now and I am like walking about the house saying what can I do now.
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We are so sorry to hear about your husband’s passing, Anne. Living with lunch cancer for 2 years cannot have been easy for him and you. Your feelings of sadness and your missing his voice are very normal. It sounds like the walks with your dogs give you some space to remember things, and naturally these memories can be very painful.
Thank you for finding this forum to share your thoughts. It sounds like you are looking for ways to grieve, and by talking to others, here and (if you are able to) elsewhere, you are taking steps towards dealing with the current situation. Are there any friends, neighbours, or relatives who can join you on walks or give you some practical or emotional support?
You may also find the Marie Curie online information on grief useful, which is available here: https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/information/grief. If the idea of talking to a friendly, impartial person on a weekly basis sounds good to you, you could sign up for Marie Curie’s telephone bereavement service: www.mariecurie.org.uk/services/bereavement-support-service. It has helped me a lot in the past.
I also hope that others will share their experiences with you and us volunteers here. Please feel free to write again at any time.
Best wishes,
Anke, a Member of the Marie Curie Online Community Team
My wife passed away in September 2024 after a brave fight against ovarian cancer. There was lots to do in the first 12 months which kept me going but since then I feel the grief has hit me hard and I am really feeling overwhelmed. I think it is the loneliness I am finding the hardest to cope with. Sleep is hard, lots of tears. Didn’t expect to feel like this. Feels like “I should be over this by now” but it seems to be dragging on.
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Dear Deek1962,
We are so sorry to hear about your wife’s illness and passing away. Clearly being without her is hard for you, and it is natural that your feelings and sleep are affected.
We often hear that the time following the busy period of ‘sadmin’ is unexpectedly hard for someone who has lost a loved one. Your surprise at this is, ironically, not surprising, given that narratives of grief being the ‘worst’ at the beginning and ‘stages of grief’ persist in the general discourse. However, each grief experience is personal, and it develops over time, often not in a linear way.
If you would like to read about this, the Marie Curie website has some resources that have helped others in similar situations. You could, for example, start here: Stages of grief resource.
You are always welcome to write again here, too, and perhaps other users of this forum will feel comfortable sharing their experiences with you and us.
Finally, if you would like to talk to someone, the Marie Curie support line is there to listen and help. You can call the free number 0800 090 2309 during support line hours (8am to 6pm Monday to Friday, and 10am to 4pm Saturday to Sunday).
Take care,
Anke, a Member of the Marie Curie Online Community Team
Hello Deek1962,
Welcome to our Online Community. We’re sorry to read about the death of your wife.
After someone dies, it can feel like there’s so much to do, and it’s completely normal to be feeling overwhelmed by grief.
You mentioned that loneliness has been especially hard for you to cope with and we want to reassure you that we’re here for you on the community. We’re really pleased you’ve found this safe space, and you’re welcome to share as much or as little as you like, whenever you like. Thank you for taking the brave first step and posting.
We wanted to let you know that we’ve recently moved to a new platform, so unless the members who have posted above decide to rejoin, unfortunately they won’t be notified that you’ve commented on the post. However, as Anke mentioned we hope that members of our community will see your post, respond, and share their experiences with you too.
Please remember that it’s okay to cry, everyone grieves differently and crying can be a normal part of the grieving process. If you’re finding it difficult to sleep, would you consider speaking to your GP about this?
Many people wonder how long their grief will last, but sadly, there’s no simple answer because grief is different for everyone. Whatever you are feeling right now, please try to be kind to yourself. Over time, most people say that their grief becomes less intense, and they find ways to adapt and carry their loved one’s memory with them. That doesn’t mean that their grief ends, but in time, it often becomes more manageable.
Would you like to tell us more about your wife or how you’re feeling?
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