Hi
Looking for a place I can be myself whilst going through the process of grief. Hard to talk to family, supporting them but no one supporting myself.
Hi Dinky,
Thanks so much for reaching out. It sounds as though you are going through a very challenging time and are doing the best to support those around you.
It can feel hard sharing your grief with family and friends- a lot of people who we speak to say they can find it helpful to talk to someone neutral who is not emotionally involved so I really hope this space can help.
If you feel comfortable to, you would be more than welcome to share a bit more about your situation and your emotions here.
We also have our Support Line if you would like to speak to someone on the phone. The number is 0800 090 2309 and lines are open 10am-4pm today the bank holiday.
Normal opening hours are 8am-6pm Monday-Friday and 10am-4pm Saturday and Sunday.
Warmest wishes,
Laura
Thanks LauraMC1
Its hard to get my head around what’s happened , I found out in November they had cancer and they died in February. Not long to get my head round the fact they had cancer stage 4 then to be told 3-6 months. I had no idea they were ill . Family members and they kept it from me which hurts so much, I could have given more support. Feel like I missed out.
Hi Dinky,
That sounds a really difficult situation. As you say such a short space of time to process what was happening and it sounds as though you felt you were left out of information and that this was very hurtful to you.
I don’t know if it is of interest but we offer telephone bereavement support here at Marie Curie which is 6 sessions with a trained volunteer. I am enclosing the link here for you Bereavement support | Grief support | Marie Curie
You are very welcome to post here, it is a caring and safe space for you.
Warmest wishes,
Laura
Hello Dinky,
Welcome to our Online Community.
We’re sorry to read about all that you’re going through, and how quickly it all happened for you.
As Laura mentioned, we have a telephone bereavement support service available to people who have been bereaved due to a terminal illness, if you would like to find out more about this, please get in touch with our Support Line for free on 0800 090 2309 or click here to book a call and we’ll call you.
Hopefully other members of our community will join the conversation and share their experiences with you too.
Take care,
Bonnie
Thanks for coming back to me.
Not doing to well this week, not sure why , no particular reason, just really low and depressed.
Missing my chats with him and how it always made me feel good, he knew what to say at the right time. Suppose that’s what you get when you’ve been with someone for so long.
Will write more but not today it hurts too much.
Hi Dinky,
I’m sorry to read that you’ve been having a tough week with your grief.
Missing someone and the things we shared with them can be difficult. Some days/weeks can take a toll on us more than others.
We’re always here if you’d like to share more.
Take care of yourself,
Hannah
Very low.
We used to meet up weekends but not no more.
Its like someone is gripping my heart and I cant breathe.
Tears come to my eyes but I blink them away, I cant lose control.
Hi Dinky,
Thank you so much for posting here. Like Laura, Bonnie, and Hannah, I am very sorry for your loss and all you have experienced following your loved one. It sounds like the diagnosis was quite a shock, and that things went rather quickly. It is very natural to feel low and go through a rollercoaster of emotions at this time. It seems that weekends are particularly hard for you, too, since the two of you used to meet up on weekends, and I cannot even imagine how you must feel today.
You say that you are trying not to cry. I just wanted to let you know that crying can be an important part of the grieving process - it can be the body’s way to reduce stress and soothe itself, and is a completely normal reaction to grief.
When I was recently bereaved, I found the information on early grief on the Marie Curie website really helpful to understand what I was going through. This information is available here: Looking after yourself when you’re grieving
As others have said, you are always welcome to share more here or to call the Support Line on 0800 090 2309 (8am to 6pm Monday to Friday, and 10am to 4pm Saturday to Sunday) if you would like to talk to someone.
Take care,
Anke
The pain is still heart breaking . I saw one of my daughters and she didnt want to talk about her dad. Im not sure what I can do. Im thinkinging im ok and then I remember and a wave washes over me. Anger upset not understanding why him. Im not sure if I can go without him. I try not to get too emotional I don’t want the flood gates to open and im unable to stop. Im hurting really bad.
Hello Dinky,
Thank you for coming back to us and sharing more about how you’re feeling. It’s understandable that the pain is still heart breaking, following the loss of someone you love.
We want to ensure that you are safe, please can you clarify what you mean when you say ‘Im not sure if I can go without him’?
Many people tell us how grief can feel like a wave of emotions. I know you said that you try not to get too emotional, but please know that it is okay to cry, and some people find this outlet of emotion helpful.
Please continue to chat to us here on the Online Community and we’re also here for you on our Support Line 
Take good care,
Bonnie
Good morning Dinky
Firstly, may I offer my condolences at this difficult time. I am so very glad that you have reached out to this safe space however, that your voice will be heard and you are not alone with the rollercoaster of emotions you are feeling right now.
You have had a difficult journey to date, and as you say very little time to adjust or come to terms with the thought of losing someone so soon. Can I just reassure you all the emotions you are feeling are perfectly normal - anger, loneliness and a measure of helplessness with a future that looks so bleak. The best advice I was given when I lost someone close was to take each day as it comes, look forward and treasure all the good memories you have. I found that over time I did come to reflect positively and it brought me comfort. Not being able to talk to close family is again so normal as you won`t want to burden them with your feelings. Just remember however that they are grieving too and maybe just having a frank chat and sharing a little might bring you closer. Please do feel free to drop a quick update at any time. We are here to help and support you.
Yvonne1
Hello Dinky,
We just wanted to follow up on our earlier message, and let you know that we’re thinking of you.
Would you like to tell us more about what you mean when you say ‘Im not sure if I can go without him’?
We wanted to share with you that if you feel unable to keep yourself safe, please know it is ok to seek immediate help. If you’re in the UK, you can do this by:
• going to any hospital A&E department (sometimes known as the emergency department)
• call 999 and ask for an ambulance if you can’t get to A&E
• ask someone else to contact 999 for you or take you to A&E immediately
If you need some support right now, but don’t want to go to A&E, here are some other options for you to try:
• contact the Samaritans on freephone 116 123, they’re open 24 hours and are there to listen
• contact your GP for an emergency appointment or the out of hours team
Please know that we’re also here for you on our Online Community and Support Line if you would like to talk
Take care,
Bonnie
Hi there
Im ok but not ok if that makes sense.
I had an appointment today for assessment with my community mental health service. She will take my assessment to the team who decide whether I get support and what or whether its a no they not going to help me. This will be confirmed in a letter 2-3 weeks from now. These new cases are only discussed once week. Not sure what I will do if im not accepted as these are top agency where I live.
Ive used Samaritans a couple of times just to have someone with me when I’ve veen really on edge to stay with me while I chat and cry.
His death has hit me harder than I thought it would, it happened all so quick and I have many questions to ask but no one knows the answers as im too scared to ask
It so very hard at the moment
hi DINKY,
Thank you for sharing what’s been happening. It sounds like you’ve had a really difficult day, and I can hear how much uncertainty you’re carrying while you wait to hear back from the mental health team.
I hope the assessment team recognises how much you’re struggling and that they can offer you the support you need. Waiting 2–3 weeks for a decision must feel incredibly hard, especially when things already feel so overwhelming.
I’m glad you’ve been able to reach out to Samaritans when things have felt particularly intense. It does take a lot of courage to pick up the phone and let someone be there with you through those moments.
When someone dies suddenly, it is very natural to be left with a lot of unanswered questions, and that uncertainty can make the grief even harder to carry. You do know that you don’t have to have all the answers right now, and it’s okay to acknowledge how painful and confusing this feels.
Please try to be gentle with yourself over the coming days. You’re dealing with a lot at once, and you don’t have to face it all alone. Thank you for keeping in touch and letting us know what has been going on. We are here to listen and also support you through this difficult time.
Take Care
Shabana