Hello, I’m grateful to be part of this welcoming community as a new volunteer and look forward to communicating with other volunteers and community members.
The topic of discussion is compassion. Compassion - to practice compassion, to use compassion and to receive compassion may have a huge impact on interactions, feelings and self-esteem. But is this especially important at the end - of - life care? The dignity, empathy and concern that reaches another could be of significance when the situation calls for it.
By being quietly present, truly listening and showing warmth, families, individuals and support staff can be part of something which creates space, time and respectful communication.
Yet during the end - of - life care journeys there is so much going on potentially, like treatment, personal decisions and even disagreements. Finding a balance may not be easy, so even one person who can see through these necessary but difficult discussions and offers ‘compassion’ is like a pillar of support.
Do you have any examples of compassion shown/given which really made a difference? Maybe a neighbour, relative or staff member has been present in a way which has surprised or pleased you…
Welcome to the Community! My experience with compassion shown in those situations have been the gentle presences of others. Friends who would leave little gift baskets with cake or a cup of coffee in front of the door, then sending a text saying ‘there is something on the doorstep for you’, just gently encouraging those caring to have a treat and a break. Or good friends of the house offering to come around and, without much fuss, doing the washing-up and putting on a load of laundry, and checking whether they can get anything when they’re going to the shops. One might call that ‘help’, but - if done in the right way, always checking that they are welcome - I think it shows much compassion.
The greatest example I have heard of is a mutual friend of the terminally ill person and the family carer offering to sit with the former for a couple of hours each weak to give the carer a little break while spending time with the friend while there is time. They did this for many months, without fail, and their kindness and compassion will never be forgotten.
I look forward to hearing more from others!
Anke, another Member of the Marie Curie Online Community Team
Hi Paulette, Daffodil. My youngest Daughter who lives with me is away at the moment. In her absence and with me having chemotherapy, she arranged a dog walker for our pooch Marshall. Its Marshall’s last walk with him today. During the week, the dog walker has made the time to chat with me, which I thought was lovely as he has never met me but knows I’m ill and didn’t shy away from asking me how I was finding things and coping. Whilst chatting about cake, I told him what my favourite cakes were. On turning up today, he’s bought me two of my favourite cakes. The World is a wonderful place and there really are some true gems in it. In that moment I felt so lovely. That to me is compassion. It doesn’t have to be a big gesture x
Kat22 - What a beautiful example of compassion! It’s very true that the little gestures can say so much. In making time to chat with you and making a mental note of your favorite cakes he has been a ‘true gem’. It is lovely that as part of Marshall’s routine and care, this exchange has resulted. Sometimes the unplanned actions can leave us feeling touched and surprised. I’m hoping you enjoyed/will enjoy those cakes. Thank you for sharing this.
You’re welcome Paulette. I was taken aback by the gesture and so had to mention it. I’ve eaten one already, the other one is waiting. Due to the cancer returning, I’ve lost nearly 4 stones in weight and so every little thing I eat now is a bonus x
I am also a member of the Community on-line team and read with interest your thoughts and comments with regard to compassion. It is my experience that compassion comes in so many forms, from kindly deeds, just having the opportunity to just listen and share thoughts and feelings, to the offer of help in whatever capacity that may be to show caring.
I am in a priveliged position in as much as one of my roles with Marie Curie is to sit with the patients here in the Hospice and get their views about the care they are currently receiving. I meet such lovely people with stories to tell about their lives, sharing their hopes and fears too. One specific lady mentioned in our conversation that she liked gingernut biscuits and she missed them with her morning cup of tea. When next in the Hospice I took a packet to her and will never forget the look in her eyes - you would have thought I had given her £1m pounds! a simple gesture, but it stays with me and reminds me too that a little bit of compassion or going the extra mile can make all the difference, however small.
Thank you ladies for all that you do as Volunteers.
Hello Yvonne1, what a simple but lovely sign of compassion (ginger nut biscuits the best by the way haha). I believe if we show compassion, then we’ll receive it back but if we don’t, that’s not the important thing. The fact it might have had an impact on someone which then makes them carry out a compassionate gesture to the next person they meet because it made them think, then that’s a wonderful thing. When you are good in health and juggling your everyday life, we can get bogged down and not see those that are important to us for weeks, or even fail to acknowledge each other at all, we are all so consumed and in a rush. Cancer changes all that. Everything you didn’t notice or realise before because you were “just too busy and didnt have time” or was even oblivious to comes to the forefront. We should attempt to show compassion to everyone and every creature on this earth because they are looking after us too. Regards, Joanne x
Hearing about your compassion stories and experiences has been a joy to read and really lets us know that people and humanity can and does provide those moments and gestures which have a lasting affect with us. Yvonne1 - I imagine that must be touching and insightful to have the opportunity to speak first hand with people recieving care. Kat 22 - I love your comments and people being busy and not noticing because of the rush we sometimes find ourselves in. I feel simply being present can remind us, perhaps, to slow down. Spending time, Daffodil - as you found, will never be forgotten.
Does anyone have a take on ‘self compassion’? Maybe we even practice it without really knowing? The odd treat maybe; a face mask, a favorite walk, journaling? I love choosing coloured pens and a mindful colouring book - for me there is something grounding about that.
Hello Paulette, self compassion…I have struggled with that. Its always been about everyone else. I have got better with it since being diagnosed though. Complimenting myself, buying that special thing I’ve had my eye on, even not answering the door or a replying to a text if I haven’t felt like it - taking care of me. I love your comment about the colouring books. During my last, long stay in hospital, my youngest Daughter bought two colouring books in when she visited. We would sit there and simply be colouring in, no need for any words. Comforting and focusing xx
Thank you very much for asking about ‘self compassion’. Like Joanne (Kat22), I find it hard, if from a different perspective: as someone who is both a carer and volunteering here, I find it easier to see others’ needs than my own. Joanne, thank you for sharing your experience of spending time with your youngest daughter while both of you are colouring in. It makes me realise that it is not a matter of one person being looked after or the other: there is a possibility for two people to pause and look after themselves as well as each other, isn’t there?
Paulette, you have put your finger on it when talking about walks. I actually took up running about a year ago - something I never thought I’d do decades after leaving school and the horrible memories of school sports behind - and having that time to myself, in nature, while seeing progress, has made me feel like myself again. Who knows - maybe I will run to raise funds for Marie Curie sometime?
Reading through this post has really been heartwarming. I’m a foodie, infact I consider it my love language. One of the greatest form of support I received during my recent bereavement was having ready meals sent to me, some were hand delivered, some were posted, I even received vouchers for various restaurants and supermarkets. I was super grateful as I didn’t have to worry about meals for my young children. In turn, I could do likewise for my brother and his family, whose daughter was the one slipping away… I could understand the lack of energy, appetite etc so would order food they could store up in the freezer… Food is a universal language that connects most of us