That’s very kind of you. I think I’m still in fight or flight mode at the moment as I still have all the finances and funeral arrangements to worry about.
I don’t think anyone can really help me with this, I’m just venting, but I cannot do all the things I have to do like sorting out the finances, sorting out the funeral, my daughter’s education, the mortgage - there’s a reason I was dependent on him in the first place. His family are acting like if they just bark information at me, I can pull all this together.
I’m so frustrated because around about the time of his diagnosis, I tried to get an appointment to talk to a doctor about anxiety. They told me to forget about it for now and focus on grief counselling. Now as I say, everyone’s acting like I can pull all this together - and quickly! Because these are all urgent matters; education/funeral/money to pay for funeral/keeping a roof over our heads, sorting out his car (I don’t even drive myself)… And this sounds irrelevant but it’s not… I’ve been told through both adulthood and childhood that I’m stupid or pretending to be stupid. I wish people understood that when I say I struggle, I mean I struggle. 
I also want to talk to someone about how much he suffered. But I don’t even know where I’m supposed to find the time to make such appointments when I have to deal with solicitors and the job centre and funeral directors…
Hi LittleSparra
I am so so sorry to hear of your husband’s death, you and your family have had and are having such and incredibly difficult and emotional time. I would just like to reiterate what Laura has said previously about contacting our Information and Support Line for a safe space to talk or ask questions.
You also mentioned talking to someone about your husbands suffering, please do call us on the Information and Support Line on 0800 090 2309. The support line officers can book you a call back with me to talk through the struggles you all went through and observed, if you feel this might be helpful? You can do this when you feel you have the capacity and space to do so. Please take care.
Marla
Hello LittleSparra,
We’re sorry to read that your husband passed away and all you’re going through as a family.
After someone dies, it can feel overwhelming. Alongside grieving, there are often many practical things that need to be done. Our What to do when someone dies checklist | Marie Curie may help, and we also have information on How to arrange a funeral | Marie Curie if that would be useful. If you have any questions or would like to talk any of this through, please know we’re here for you.
As Laura, Yvonne and Marla have said, you’re very welcome to continue posting on our Online Community – we’re here for you as long as you need us 
Take good care,
Bonnie
Thanks. I think I was having an off-day. My mum was a single mum and she managed, so I guess I can too. It’s just a bit of a learning curve at the moment.
I have to ring all the utilities later, which I’m dreading, but I have to do it, so.
To be fair, I’ve started to make funeral arrangements and I got his death certificate, so maybe I’m not as incapable as I think.
As I’m starting to slowly unpick these things and relax a little bit more, it makes more space in my head to think about him.
Hi LittleSparra,
Thanks so much for the update and it sounds as though you have achieved a lot in the last couple of days. You don’t sound incapable- far from it in fact- please be kind to yourself. You have been through so much and have so much to deal with.
I don’t know if it is useful but there is a service called Tell Us Once which you may find useful: What to do after someone dies: Tell Us Once - GOV.UK
As you say it is a huge learning curve and there is so much to process and to do.
Do you and the children have any support around you?
Please always feel free to post on here or ring our Support Line. We will do our best to support you in any way we can.
Take care,
Laura
Thanks Laura. Yes, there’s a lot going on at the moment for everybody. The rest of my partner (now husband)'s family are worried about his mum who was hospitalised and deteriorating, and then my mum’s-partner’s-mum died two days after my husband. So everyone’s going through it and we’re all trying to help each other out at the moment.
We’re sorry to read about all you and your family are going through at the moment, LittleSparra.
It’s heartwarming to hear that you’re all trying to help each other, please know that we’re here to help you all too if you need us.
Take good care
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