Over the past few weeks I have been watching my mom fade away, from the strongest person I have ever known to a frail shadow of who she once was, still smiling and pretending through the pain, I don’t want her in pain, it rips me apart, I feel so helpless
Hi Angel15,
I’m so sorry you and your mum are going through this. Watching someone you love change in this was can make you feel helpless, especially when you can see them trying to stay strong despite what they are going through.
Wanting your mum to be comfortable and free from pain shows just how much you care for her. If you are worried about her pain or symptoms it is always OK to speak with her GP, district nurse or palliative care team as they may be able to review her medication or support.
You do not have to carry all of these feelings on your own either. Many people here will understand the heartbreak and exhaustion that can come with seeing someone slowly decline and you are welcome to keep posting whenever you need to talk.
Our Support Line is also here if you would like to talk things through with someone directly. You can call us on 0800 090 2309.
Sending you and your mum gentle thoughts.
Good morning Angel15
I am so sorry to hear of your dear Mum`s decline in health, and can quite understand how distressing it is to witness her in pain. Have you approached Mum`s GP to seek their views and what can be offered to alleviate this situation. No one should live with pain at such a critical time. As my colleague also advised, please do call the Support Line if you feel you would like to discuss further or drop us an update at any time. You are not alone and we are happy to help whenever we can.
Yvonne1
My mom sadly passed away yesterday, feeling so many emotions and am struggling to deal with them. I keep re living it such ridiculous thoughts, I should have done more, I could have stopped her dying… then I remember just how ill she was and the kindest thing is that she isn’t in pain and she’s with my dad now I just miss her so much and will never see her beautiful smile 
Dear Angel15,
We are so sorry to hear that your mom passed away so soon after you noticed her fading away. It is clear from your post how much you miss her, and love her.
Experiencing a rollercoaster of emotions and thoughts after a loved one has passed away is completely understandable. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. What you experience is a natural reaction to the situation, including the 'what if’s. If you would like to talk to someone, the Marie Curie Support Line is available (free call) on 0800 090 2309, 8am to 6pm Monday to Friday, and 10am to 4pm Saturday to Sunday. They helped me a lot in the past.
Some people find understanding more about grief can help them to cope. If you would rather read up on what you are experiencing right now, here is a link to the relevant pages on the Marie Curie website:
Finally, I am sure many readers of this post will find your experience relatable. Perhaps some of them will feel comfortable to share them with you. In any event, you are very welcome to write in this safe space again at any time.
Take good care,
Anke
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Angel15
Firstly, may I offer my sincere and heartfelt condolences on the passing of your dear Mum. Her decline has been rapid which has not given you a lot of time to come to terms with your thoughts and emotions, but it is clear that you did everything you possibly could to care for her. It is a natural part of the grieving process to think “could I have done more” or “is there something I could have done better” but you will know in your heart you did all you could. As you so rightly say she can now rest in peace, free of pain and reunited with your dear Dad. Now is the time you need to think about yourself and try to get some rest. Bereavement does not come with a manual unfortunately and there are many stages you will experience, anger at losing your Mum, the “why her” question and the hardest of all, how will you cope without her. If you can focus on the happier times or perhaps cherish some items she held dear or listen to music that was her favorite, this may bring comfort. We are always here if you need to just share your immediate thoughts, no matter how random they may feel. A phrase that was shared with me when my dear Mum passed was “Mum will always be as near to you as your very next thought of her” and I, to this day almost 52 years later, think of her and feel her close.
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Hello Angel15,
We’re sorry to read about the passing of your mom, and all that you’re going through.
It’s natural to experience a range of emotions following the death of someone you love.
As Yvonne mentioned, many people share similar feelings, including wishing they could have done more, which can be a natural response to grief. Please try to be kind to yourself during this time.
If it would be helpful, you can find information about grief and coping in your own way on our website here: Grieving in your own way: how to process and deal with grief | Marie Curie
Take good care,
Bonnie