Hello. My mother was diagnosed with cancer a year ago, and after 10 months of chemotherapy, we have been told that her cancer is palliative and given a timeframe of 6 months.
At the moment my mum is still active, she gets tired and has a nap or two every day, but she can still walk to the shop etc. She is on a fentanyl patch for pain.
Can someone advice me on what to expect from a palliative perspective? She lives at home with my Dad and I dont think she would want to go into a hospice when the time comes.
I haven’t had any conversations with her around end of life care and what she wants or doesn’t want- i dont know how to bring up this discussion and I also don’t know what to expect.
I have told my parents I will move back in with them when my mum requires more support.
I’m very worried about how my Dad will cope without her, they are inseperaple and I don’t want him to be lonely.
My name is Marla; I am a nurse on the Information and Support Line. Whilst I am not permitted to give you advice, I can pull on my experience and knowledge to try and support/signpost you. I am sorry that you and your family are going through such a difficult and emotional time. The news your mum has received will have a huge impact on you all as a family.
In relation to what your mum might want or not want when the time comes, it may be helpful to have those difficult but necessary conversations with her. It can feel uncomfortable to think about having that conversation, but talking about your mums wishes now (whilst she is well enough to communicate them) may help reduce the amount of stress and worry you have when the time comes and mum may not be able to tell you what she wants. This is sometimes called Advance Care Planning (ACP), questions such as where would mum want to be and what treatment would she want or not want will help with meeting mums wishes if possible. I will add a link below for you to explore should you wish to.
I have also added in links that you may find helpful in relation to the unfamiliarity of this difficult time and the experiences you are having and will have in the coming days, weeks and months. May I suggest you encourage dad to talk about his feelings, fears and anxieties. This might be with you, or he may want to reach out for some professional support via his GP who can help and signpost. Also, he can call us here on the Information and Support Line for a safe space to talk about his feelings.
If you, your dad or your mum would like to talk more about your concerns and feelings, you can contact us on the Information and Support Line on 0800 090 2309. I hope you have found this information helpful. Take care.