Hello, My mother has recently been diagnosed with breast cancer. It was hard as she went from being perfectly fine to having surgery, loosing her hair and on a third round of chemo in the space of two months. I’m only 21 and always believed it would never happen to anyone I know and I am struggling to deal with the whole process, even trying to be there for my mum at her chemo I find myself being sick in the hospital toilets as I can’t handle what’s going on. Does anyone have any good coping techniques. I am scared it could happen to myself too but I cannot stand being miserable all the time and taking it out on the people close to me. I have joined this site to try and gain some friends and information. I hope someone here can help with this. Thanks for taking the time to read this.
Hi Danniij, I’m really sorry to hear what you and your mother are going through. Finding out that someone you’re close to is ill can be a huge shock, especially if it hasn’t happened to anyone you know before. It’s not unusual to find supporting someone challenging and upsetting at times, but it’s much better to talk about it rather than try and bottle it up, especially with how it’s affecting you at the moment. We are here for you in the Marie Curie community. Your GP or your mum’s specialist breast care nurse may be good options to discuss coping techniques with, remember it is always ok to seek support. There’s lots of information about coping with breast cancer on Breast Cancer Care’s website too if you or your mum want to know more about that. Please also remember you can also talk to us on our support line – 0800 090 2309.
My mother had stage 1 breast cancer 10 years ago. She was diagnosed august 2015 with stage 4 breast cancer which has spread to her bones and liver. I know exactly what you are going through. I also lost my father in 2014…so I feel I’m grieving for two parents. I struggle most days with overwhelming sadness. I have a 1 year old which helps to keep me from thinking about things sometimes. I find it helps to live in the present and not worry too much on the future and try to enjoy moments with your mother. Wish you well.
It’s nice to read your responses. I find it hard looking at my original post realising it was only 5 months ago. Things have changed so much since then. My mum was diagnosed with stage 2 breast cancer. They said with her youth and strength and chemo she would fight it and live a long life. Unfortunately the chemo did not work and the cancer spread to her brain and she is now fighting for her life with only a few days left to live. This is the most horrific thing I have ever experienced and it makes me appreciate any time I spent with my parents x
I am so sorry to hear about your Mum. Life can feel very unfair. I know you will be overwhelmed with emotions but if you can spend ever moment with your mum and tell her everything you want her to know and ask her what you won’t to know. This is something I wish I had the chance to do with my Dad. I will be thinking of you and your family. X
Your response mean so much. It’s such a difficult time but l do feel for those who can’t have the time that I have with my mum. Even though my mum has days where she doesn’t know who I am, and I know there is only days left, all the bad memories seem non exsistant. The support from family and friends has been so strong but how is someone meant to cope with losing a parent. I know people do all the time but at 22, a sister at 17 and a brother at 16, I don’t know how we are meant to respond to it. I’m thinking at contact the lodge (our local cancer support team) just to help me through. I feel I’ve been strong for so long, but I don’t know how to do that anymore. If you don’t mind me asking, how did you guys do it? Did you struggle at the start or stay strong? I found I’m like a nurse while I’m with mum and behind close doers about 2am I break down for five minutes, but that can’t be healthy!!
Losing a parent is one of the biggest sorrows you will go through in life…I’m sorry you are going through it at such a young age. When my dad died it was sudden so I was in shock for while. I was pregrant at the time so I tryed to keep strong for my baby and I needed to be there for my mother. When my baby was born I began to allow myself to feel the pain. I think it’s important to flow with your own emotions and do what you feel is best for you not anybody else. It is easy to isolate yourself with grief but it doesn’t help…try to surround yourself with as much support as possible. It going to be a tough road ahead… The pain doesn’t go but it does get a little easier to cope in time and with help.