Hi my name is lyn and I have never done anything like this before and I would just like someone to talk to.
My mum has a lymphoma on her head and now has been told she has secondaries on her liver and there is no cure.
She is 88 and very frail, at the moment myself and two other siblings are taking care of her 24/7 and we are getting so tired.
We would like mum to go into a hospice to give us rest bite but I feel we are letting her down.
Has anyone else had these feelings
Thank you
Hi Lyn,
Caring for somebody who has a terminal illness can be difficult and full time job. Sometimes we all need a break. Have you visited a local hospice with mum to see what services they can provide? Most hospices are not like a hospital ward but a really friendly and supportive environment to spend some time in, we hear many positive experiences about hospices. I appreciate that you may feel that you are letting mum down but as a carer it is important to take some time to look after yourself and recharge your batteries as well caring for mum. Mum would have access to expert care in a friendly welcoming environment and may well find it a positive experience.
If you would like to chat through your options in more details contact us at the support line on 0800 090 2309(Monday –Friday 09:00-17:00pm)
Thank you thank you so much Brigette, I have spoken to the district nurse and she was going to try and put the wheels in motion for us.
Just your reply has made me feel better.
Thank you for your time
Lyn
Hi Lyn believe me I know how you feel. You have nothing to feel guilty about your mum is very lucky to have you. My mum has liver and lung cancer and was given three months to live. She is ok at the moment and is having a living wake on Saturday. She wants to die at home and I am terrified that she will not get the care she needs to do this. I would much rather she went into a hospice but she wont hear of this. I have a sister who hates me and is full of resentment as I don’t live local to my mum and she does. She complains about the time she spends with mum already and its not that much, as we have a carer who does most of it. I cant bear to think of mum being alone and bed ridden getting weaker and weaker. I will be there as much as I can but I live about 2hrs away. I am in a living hell.
Lorna
Hi Lorna,
I’m sorry to hear of your mum’s illness. It’s perfectly understandable to worry about her being at home without the support she needs. In common with many people she has expressed the wish to remain at home and as she has been open about this it gives you all the chance to plan ahead and look at the support that is out there. Hopefully by doing this you can be reassured that she will not be left unsupported. Support could include our own nurses. You can find out more about being cared for at home and other ways you and your mum can find support on our website here.
This can be a very stressful time and as you have found it can bring up tensions amongst family that may not be present at other times. We also have information on our website about being there for someone with a terminal illness, including practicalities and coping with your own needs and feelings. We’re here for you in the Marie Curie community, and if you feel it would help you to talk please also contact us on our support line – 0800 090 2309.
Thank you Brigette I will call the help line as there are a few questions I need to ask. One of them is how much time will Marie Cure nurses be there?
Hello Lyn & Lorna I’m not sure what your situations are now? I have had similar experience living far from my Mum who has gradually deteriorated I had to make the decision to admit her to a Nursing Home which should make me feel better but I feel so bad I’ve coped up till now but just feel I am falling apart - It’s so hard to juggle this (my brother is no help) My husband is asking what we are doing for Christmas & I feel I just can’t make any more decisions