My mum died 4 weeks ago. Weve just had her funeral Tuesday. She’dalways been ill with copd all my life. The oxygen and her being extremely puffed was just normal. Im struggling and having severe panic attacks. I am an only child and have autism but inhave a husband and children. I keep.going over and over the fact I took her ice cream put them in freezer and had to go home to care for my daughter. Deep down I knew something wasnt right for a few days, she kept gazing at me. But her friends said she was really well. She text me and said she needed nurses. I feel like we called nurses and while we waited she was laughing and chatting. Then she had injections and it just spiralled to driver and then she was unconscious for 9 days and died. I want to go back and not do that. I know its stupid and she was in severe pain. Im worried i missed something, i should of stayed that day when I took her ice cream. I sat with her for hours. I went home on the Saturday morning as I was exhausted. She died 2 mins after I left. We spoke and text numerous times a day always. Did she not tell me how bad she was as she didn’t want me worrying. Im so lost and scared and sad.
Dear Wendy,
We are very sorry to hear about your mum’s recent death and that you are struggling following her funeral. You are clearly missing your mum very much. It sounds like shift from her being ill - which was normal - to her dying shortly after you had seen her came as a great shock. It is natural that you are feeling out of sorts at this point. Thank you for reaching out here in spite of having panic attacks. This community is here for you, and I hope that other users will feel comfortable sending you support and maybe sharing their own experiences.
Dealing with grief can be overwhelming, and many people who contact Marie Curie find it useful to read more about grief and ways of taking things one day at a time useful. You could perhaps start here: Grieving Your Own Way Information
If you would like to talk to someone on the phone, the Marie Curie support line is available to call for free from landlines and mobile phones from 8am to 6pm Monday to Friday, and 10am to 4pm Saturday to Sunday at 0800 090 2309.
Please feel free to write here again, too, to tell us more about your mum, or share how you are doing and what you are dealing with any time.
Take good care,
Anke
i am so sorry for the loss of your mum ,thinking of you,
Hi Wendy, I’m so sorry for the loss of your mum. Thankyou for sharing something so personal with us. It sound like you are carrying an enormous amount of grief, as well as feelings of guilt and “what ifs,” which can be so overwhelming after losing someone we truly love.
From what you have shred with us, it sounds like you really cared deeply for your mum and you spent as much time with her as you could. It’s understandable that your mind keeps going back over those final days, but please try to be gentle with yourself. Many people experience these thoughts after a bereavement, even though they did everything they could at the time.
You’re also coping with severe panic attacks while grieving, and that sounds incredibly hard. I hope you have your husband, family or friends, who can support you through this difficult time you are going through. If at any point your panic attacks or your feelings become overwhelming, it may also help to speak with your GP or another healthcare professional.
Please know that you don’t have to go through this alone. We’re here to listen, and you’re very welcome to keep sharing whenever you feel ready. Sending you my heartfelt condolences.