Hi, this is all new to me, as I haven’t really needed any support up until now.
My husband was diagnosed 2 years 3 months ago with stage 4 bowel cancer that has spread to liver and lungs. After a liver operation and over 40 sessions of chemo it has been kept at bay and he has been doing remarkably well, until recently when his CEA has gone upto 30 and i have noticed he is deteriorating.
I am finding it extremely hard to talk to him about putting things in place. We have no wills, all bills are in his name using his accounts and this is playing heavily on my mind along with all the worry and upset of losing him, i feel like i’m losing my mind. I tried to speak to him but felt very selfish and didnt really get anywhere with him.
My question is has anyone else been in this situation and how did you overcome this?
I’m sorry to read about your husband’s diagnosis and all that you both are experiencing. Many people tell us that it’s hard to have conversations about finances and planning for what will happen after someone dies. It’s understandable that your finances have been playing on your mind at what is already such a difficult time for you.
You mention that you have tried to speak with your husband but didn’t really get anywhere. Perhaps you could try a different way of approaching it with your husband, such as writing down how you feel in a letter?
You might also find it helpful to have a look through our booklet on planning ahead that has information on processes such as wills and power of attorney, so that you can think about what you might want to consider when you are able to have the conversation with your husband: Planning ahead (mariecurie.org.uk) .
Hopefully another of our online community will share their experience with you but know that our Support Line is here if ever you want to talk.
I wonder if you start the conversation with a question such as “how do you manage xyz and would you like me to help with it?” Use his current illness as a reason for helping him and not his death?
Hi, I’ve been going through this but I’ve been very fortunate in that I’ve been thrown a lifeline at -excuse the term- at the last minute.
I don’t have any great advice but I will think on it.
I think patp is right in that you could perhaps ask direct questions and offer to help. If he doesn’t want to talk about it, then perhaps drop it at that time and talk about something else. Keep your ears peeled for info he might give you that would be useful to know - such as your utility providers if you’re not sure. You could also buy him a notepad and ask him to jot down anything you could help each other out with/keep notes together.
There’s also citizens advice but be aware they’re run by volunteers and may not be able to respond immediately. Macmillan has, for the time being, their own version of citizens advice. I found they were helpful and actually wrote out a letter addressed to my partner (I never gave it to him because everything changed so quickly for us).
*I don’t know if I should give the name of the man who wrote the letter for me, but he’s a macmillan caseworker - that’s his role.
Thank you for commenting on this thread and for responding to sgrennan. You both make really helpful suggestions and considerations, thank you so much for sharing these ideas with our Online Community.
We just wanted to make you aware, that this thread was created on our old platform. Because of this, sgrennan may not be notified of your comment unless they’ve chosen to reset their password. We still warmly encourage you to share your thoughts if you see a post that resonates with you, and we hope that members of our community will see your post, respond, and share their experiences with you too.
